Sometimes I get sober just to see if I can do it. One month was too long, good thing I found a bottle of hydros.
(Source: sailormoonscreengrabs, via )
(Source: november-ghosts, via w-0-m-p-deactivated20120112)
(Source: november-ghosts, via w-0-m-p-deactivated20120112)
Just because I can, we took these at tift farm one day last summer.
I miss my boy so bad. We’ve been doing this long distance thing for a year now, but it’s way harder when I’m the one who leaves. Luckily when I come home we will be living in the same city.
(Source: alienbabe, via w-0-m-p-deactivated20120112)
I’m having a really hard time tonight. I’ve been in denial about it being an huge issue since I stopped trying to intensively recover. It’s just something I live with, it’s a part of me and it’s grown up with me for years. I have spans of up to 10 days where I’m eating healthy and I feel good and my life feels normal and ok for once, but most of the time I’m purging from once to ten times a day, just isolating myself from the world and mechanically eating and vomiting over and over. If it’s not that, then I’m keeping myself hungry until I eat big dinner and release it as fast as I can. I want to believe that recovering isn’t just some pipedream, but I just keep failing. I’m so sick of treating my body like shit and feeling tired all the time. I’m sick of the enamel wear on my front right tooth, which is getting progressively more loose. I’m sick of feeling nauseas constantly. I’m sick of running all of my relationships into the ground because I can’t control a disease that when I was 13, I thought would just help me lose a few pounds. Why can’t I just love myself?
It sucks to have the self esteem of a 13 year old when you are 20.
